Weigh In Worries

Tomorrow morning I will wake up do the usual morning ritual, looking for clothes light as a feather in order to not get those extra ounces on the WW scale. I have been on and off WW for over 4 or 5 years maybe more and have been up and down the damn scale. I have left and came back. I started up again last April when other co-workers were also joining. A year later I was at the same weight. 

Since visiting my OBGYN again over a year ago and being told that I must lose 80+ pounds before he could help me conceive, I am still here. I am still here when I have a father with severe diabetes and a grand father with clogged arteries. A grandmother who passed away to young from the same diseases. I have aches and pains. I don't like the way I feel emotionally or physically. So why I am still here in the very high 300s. Why am I playing with life and those around me. 

A few things finally got me moving to the right direction again. The biggest slap in the face was my 5 year old nephew Robby, who on a normal night just hanging out in the yard turned and looked at me and said, "Why don't you want to have a baby?" Not why don't you have one. In just a few seconds my little nephew got me, GOT ME GOOD. A good dose of what the hell are you doing and if a child is what you really want than why are you headed in the wrong direction. 

I am not a little girl anymore, I am a woman. I have been through a lot of hurdles and pain in life but luckily I have had more joy and love. But the kicker is how am I loving me? How am I appreciating my life that God has given me? How do nourish? How often do I embrace myself in all the support, kindness, and love I show others. Not very much, and it needs to stop. 

I maybe chubby, you can even call me fat to my face because that is my reality. But I am lucky in love and joy, I bring to my life everyday by opening my eyes and praising God for this new day. To live it out, OUT LOUD and in the NOW. As I used to proclaim in college all over on walls and to friends as a reminder. But again the messenger sometimes misses the message. But here I am on the eve of another weigh in, at my WW meetings. I should not enter it with fear but with the hunger of seeing my hard work and the awakening of new knowledge and how to better take care of my body completely. 

Daily Affirmation:

I am beautiful, from the roundness of my ass to my dark skin, to my beautiful almond eyes. I am a good person with rivers and valleys in my soul ready for my journey.